Bancuri cu si despre Diverse

Un canibal la o morga:
– Vreau si eu un om.
Administratorul ingrozit:
– Vai domnule, nu se poate asa ceva!
– Va rog, vin dintr-o calatorie obositoare. Macar o mana!
– Nu se poate, domnule. Oamenii vin, iau mortii, ii ingroapa sau ii
incinereaza.
– Atunci da-mi si mie niste cenusa sa-mi fac un ness

This privacy policy sets out how mioritice.com uses and protects any information that you give mioritice.com when you use this website.

mioritice.com is committed to ensuring that your privacy is protected. Should we ask you to provide certain information by which you can be identified when using this website, then you can be assured that it will only be used in accordance with this privacy statement.

mioritice.com may change this policy from time to time by updating this page. You should check this page from time to time to ensure that you are happy with any changes. This policy is effective from 21.08.2009.

What we collect
We may collect the following information:

• name and job title
• contact information including email address
• demographic information such as postcode, preferences and interests
• other information relevant to customer surveys and/or offers

What we do with the information we gather
We require this information to understand your needs and provide you with a better service, and in particular for the following reasons:

• Internal record keeping.
• We may use the information to improve our products and services.
• We may periodically send promotional emails about new products, special offers or other information which we think you may find interesting using the email address which you have provided.
• From time to time, we may also use your information to contact you for market research purposes. We may contact you by email, phone, fax or mail. We may use the information to customize the website according to your interests.

Security
We are committed to ensuring that your information is secure. In order to prevent unauthorized access or disclosure we have put in place suitable physical, electronic and managerial procedures to safeguard and secure the information we collect online.

How we use cookies
A cookie is a small file which asks permission to be placed on your computer’s hard drive. Once you agree, the file is added and the cookie helps analyze web traffic or lets you know when you visit a particular site. Cookies allow web applications to respond to you as an individual. The web application can tailor its operations to your needs, likes and dislikes by gathering and remembering information about your preferences.

We use traffic log cookies to identify which pages are being used. This helps us analyze data about webpage traffic and improve our website in order to tailor it to customer needs. We only use this information for statistical analysis purposes and then the data is removed from the system.

Overall, cookies help us provide you with a better website, by enabling us to monitor which pages you find useful and which you do not. A cookie in no way gives us access to your computer or any information about you, other than the data you choose to share with us.

You can choose to accept or decline cookies. Most web browsers automatically accept cookies, but you can usually modify your browser setting to decline cookies if you prefer. This may prevent you from taking full advantage of the website.

Links to other websites
Our website may contain links to other websites of interest. However, once you have used these links to leave our site, you should note that we do not have any control over that other website. Therefore, we cannot be responsible for the protection and privacy of any information which you provide whilst visiting such sites and such sites are not governed by this privacy statement. You should exercise caution and look at the privacy statement applicable to the website in question.

Controlling your personal information
You may choose to restrict the collection or use of your personal information in the following ways:

• whenever you are asked to fill in a form on the website, look for the box that you can click to indicate that you do not want the information to be used by anybody for direct marketing purposes
• if you have previously agreed to us using your personal information for direct marketing purposes, you may change your mind at any time by writing to or emailing us at office@mioritice.com

We will not sell, distribute or lease your personal information to third parties unless we have your permission or are required by law to do so. We may use your personal information to send you promotional information about third parties which we think you may find interesting if you tell us that you wish this to happen.

mioritice.com will not sell, distribute or lease your personal information to third parties, unless the member has not adhered to our terms and conditions (e.g. created a phishing site) or is required by law to do so. In such cases of abuse of the mioritice.com services, each individual case will be reviewed and personal information may be passed on to the relevant company or person who is the victim of the abuse.

You may request details of personal information which we hold about you. A small fee will be payable. If you would like a copy of the information held on you please write to the address listed at the bottom of this page.

Newsletters
mioritice.com uses email as the main method of contact with its users. When signing up to become a member of mioritice.com, the user must agree to accept and cannot unsubscribe from non-promotional emails (e.g. emails containing invoices, support correspondence and subscriptioninformation).

These emails are transactional emails and usually occur each time an action is triggered on the site:

– registration
– password change
– password reminder
– internal messages from other users

mioritice.com also sends newsletters, periodically. Subscribing to the newsletters is optional and free for all users. mioritice.com newsletters contain new site games and top members. Ocasionally mioritice.com sends promotional newsletters on behalf of our customers. Your personal information is NOT shared to any third party without your prior consent.

Additional information collected for each sent newsletter is:

– number of newsletter opens
– number of clicks on each link inside a newsletter

Subscribe / Unsubscribe methodology for mioritice.com promotional newsletters
Each newsletter subscription needs to be confirmed. The confirmation (double opt in) is done by sending an initial greeting email, where a user action is needed to confirm the subscription, by clicking the unique personalized confirmation link. This way we ensure that the user agrees upon joining the newsletter list, and that the email addresses are real.

Each newsletter received has clear information about the sender and unsubscribe methods. The unsubscribe is fulfilled within seconds after clicking the unsubscribe link and no further newsletters will be sent to the users who have stated that they do not wish to receive the specified information, unless they choose to register to the newsletter again.

Policy Modifications
We may change this Privacy Policy from time to time. If/when mioritice.com makes changes to this privacy statement, we will highlight the changes on our homepage and email users who have given us permission to do so. We will post any changes here, so be sure to check back periodically. However, please be assured that if the Privacy Policy changes in the future, we will not use the personal information you have submitted to us under this Privacy Policy in a manner that is materially inconsistent with this Privacy Policy, without your prior consent.

Online behavioral advertising
We allow third-party companies to serve ads and/or collect certain anonymous information when you visit our web site. These companies may use non-personally identifiable information (e.g., click stream information, browser type, time and date, subject of advertisements clicked or scrolled over) during your visits to this and other Web sites in order to provide advertisements about goods and services likely to be of greater interest to you. These companies typically use a cookie or third party web beacon to collect this information. To learn more about this behavioral advertising practice or to opt-out of this type of advertising, you can visit networkadvertising.org.

Special Note About Google Advertising

Any advertisements served by Google, Inc., and affiliated companies may be controlled using cookies. These cookies allow Google to display ads based on your visits to this site and other sites that use Google advertising services. Learn how to opt out of Google’s cookie usage. As mentioned above, any tracking done by Google through cookies and other mechanisms is subject to Google’s own privacy policies.

About Google advertising: What is the DoubleClick DART cookie? The DoubleClick DART cookie is used by Google in the ads served on publisher websites displaying AdSense for content ads. When users visit an AdSense publisher’s website and either view or click on an ad, a cookie may be dropped on that end user’s browser. The data gathered from these cookies will be used to help AdSense publishers better serve and manage the ads on their site(s) and across the web. Users may opt out of the use of the DART cookie by visiting the Google ad and content network privacy policy.

Contact mioritice.com about Privacy
If you believe that any information we are holding on you is incorrect or incomplete, please write to or email us as soon as possible, at the above address. We will promptly correct any information found to be incorrect. If you have any questions about our privacy policy, the information we collect and use, please contact us at:

Postal Address
Str. Cetatea de balta nr. 12
Sector 6, Bucuresti
Romania

Tel.
+40 728.828.525

Email
document.write(“contact”+”@”+”mioritice.com”)

inspectie la scoala…..
vine randul la Bula sa raspunda la o intrebare:
I: De ce ziua femeii este pe 8 martie?
R: penrtu ca e singura cifra cu 2 gauri….

Intr-un parc plin de oameni se aude un tipat :
– Oameni buni ! Oameni buni , eu pot sa merg din nou !!!
– Spune, cum s-a produs aceasta minune? intrebară uluite niste babe in timp ce isi faceau cruci cu ambele mâini
-Cred că m-am trezit din beție !

Vine James Bond la un bar, si se adreseaza la barman:
– Buna! Numele meu este Bond, James Bond. Cat este ora?
Iar barmanul ii raspunde:
– 5… 10 fara 5…

Doi bebeluşi la creşă:
– Tu ce eşti, băiat sau fată?
– Băiat.
– Dar de unde ştii?
– Dacă iese infirmiera îţi arăt.
Iese infirmiera, la care acesta îşi ridică păturica:
– Uite, am şosetuţe albastre.

O asistenta medicala se plange medicului de garda:
– Dle doctor, am observat ca de fiecare data cand le iau pulsul pacientilor, brusc le creste tensiunea! Ce ar trebui de facut?
– Ar trebui sa nu mai umblati cu asemenea decolteuri, domnisoara!

Preşedintele Bush şi secretarul de stat Colin Powell stăteau într-un bar. Un tip intră şi îl întreabă pe barman:
– Nu-s ăia preşedintele Bush şi Colin Powell acolo la masă?
– Da, ei sînt, răspunde barmanul.
Aşa că tipul se duce la si le zice:
– Ce onoare, ce faceţi aici?
– Plănuim al treilea război mondial, zice Bush.
– Serios? Şi ce o să se întîmple?
– O să omorîm 140 de milioane de irakieni şi o blondă cu ţîţe mari, zice Bush.
La care tipul:
– O blonda cu ţîţe mari? De ce o blondă cu ţîţe mari?
Bush se întoarce spre Powell, îl bate pe umăr şi zice:
– Vezi, bă deşteptule, ţi-am zis eu că n-o să-i pese nimănui de 140 de milioane de irakieni!

Al II-lea razboi mondial. Prind nemtii o englezoaica si ca drept pedeapsa ii trag 3 cartuse in pasarica. Trec anii, femeia se casatoreste face 3 copii.
Dupa o vreme vine fata cea mare …
– MAMA, MAMA
– Ce ai patit draga ?
– Am fost la baie si m-am pis*t un glont!
– Lasa draga ca se mai intampla, stai linistita.
Mai trece o vreme si vine si fata cea mica …
– MAMA, MAMA
– Ce ai patit draga ?
– Am fost la baie si m-am pis*t un glont!
– Lasa draga ca se mai intampla, stai linistita.
Mai trece o vreme si vine si baiatul tipand ca din gura de sarpe ..
– MAMA, MAMA …
– Nu-mi spune ca si tu te-ai pisat un glont
– NU, am facut laba si l-am impuscat pe tata

Antrenament in SUA pentru spionii ce vor fi trimisi in Uniunea Sovietica.
Proba eliminatorie: rezistenta la temperaturi joase.
In camera frigorifica intra trei candidati, se inchid usile, temperatura scade la 0 grade Celsius.
Dupa un timp, unul din candidati nu mai razista, iese tremurand, si e descalificat. Termometrul arata -10 grade si al doilea iese vanat de frig.
Se fac -20 de grade, dar ultimul citeste ziarul linistit.
Se fac -30, dar individul, nimic.
La -40 testul e trecut si spionul e intrebat cum a reusit sa reziste.
Acesta raspunde:
– Pai, la noi in Siberia e cu mult mai frig…